A Flawed Legacy - 36

Well, I am almost done with "flawed legacies".  I am about to leave one behind, that is for certain, and the purpose of this blog is to offer my children now, a look "into" the person they have known so little about and a life they hardly have had a chance to know at all.

One day, I was there, the next day I was gone, and they were left - almost, on their own.  If there was any way I could change any of that, I would do it in a heartbeat.  I hate the feeling they must have and I am to blame.  However, I was left without a father, literally, from the day I was born and only by the grace of God was I raised in a responsible home with grand parents who loved me as their own.  But, my point will be, I have personally known dozens - if not, hundreds, of fatherless children who have made a better life for themselves.  Something that seemed difficult for me to do and so, what follows will take a closer look at my life through my eyes as they were and are today.

"Nan", our grand mother, took me home to Yale, MI, from Ohio, when I was a little over three years old and used to delight telling others, I stood the whole way, gazing out of the windows.  I guess I wanted to see what I could see.  I don't know of the first time I fell and scratched my knees, but I would bet I ran to "Nan" who would hug me and tell me, ..."everything's going to be OK."

And it wasn't until I saw the neighborhood kids getting new bikes and going to new places that I did not and learning to do whatever I was asked to do, that I began to realize, I was somehow, different.  My mother would come up to the farm and ask how I was doing and sometimes, pull me close so that I got a smell of her perfume, but I soon learned that I was living on a "performance based" schedule as far as she was concerned.  I began to pray that she would marry one of the guys who would tag along on her visits, but that never happened.  I did well in school, very well indeed, but when it came time for others to talk about going to college, I was told there was no money.

Along came World War II and the possibilities of a college education and I jumped at the opportunity, even though I had not completed high school.  I would get my diploma because I passed a GED test and that was all that was required.  During the first week in the service - I think I have mentioned that in an earlier blog, I was left behind and that thought fit perfectly with my experience on the farm.  So, I was gone. No one seemed to care.  Fortunately, the military had to care and so I went where I was scheduled to go, according to their schedule.   It would stay that way for the following seven years.  I did not have to think about where I was going, what I would be doing, who was directing me and all of that - and more, and it all began to sink in.  It was not MY fault if something went wrong, it was THEIR fault.

I would wind up in the Korean War and when I came home, no one seemed to notice, no one asked about where I had been, what I had done, even though if they had asked, I was prepared to go on for hours on just a few of my many experience.  I was in Hawaii four different times, for God's sake. Everyone else would drool a the thought of just going there.  But for me, there were no questions, apparently, no one cared.

I got out of the Air Force to go to school, to get a college degree, go back in and retire when I was forty years old.  That was my plan, but I screwed up.  I wound up living in my mother's apartment and I hated it.  A gal said she loved me and so I got out of that apartment and was married, to a gal who worked for the airlines.  We could fly everywhere she said.  I bought into that as well.  But I was popular in college and soon there were social commitments as I became the President of the student body.  I went alone as she did not want to go.  There were pretty girls everywhere, some even daring to ask about the absence of my wife.  I graduated and took a job I would hate because it offered more money than the jobs I thought I might like.  I quit the one I hated and took one I thought would be great and I failed miserably.  Whose fault?   Hers, of course.  So, I left town, got drunk often, found jobs that I enjoyed and succeeded until it was discovered I drank too much.

One morning, I woke up after a night of drinking, felt bad and so, I went to church.  Guess what.  I found people who loved me and one in particular loved me so much, we went to bed together and she became pregnant, so we hurried on with the wedding plans.  Our first child was born and she was beautiful beyond words.  I was so proud of both her and her mother.  It was - to that point, the greatest moment in my life.  I had a great job, really great prospects and it blew up in our faces.   Not my fault, that time! We moved on with thanks to my sister and with a little effort and a boost from a business associate, we were on our way again.  Another pregnancy, but this one almost aborted as a result of an argument.  She survived, however, and then there was a son.  All the while, my job was working for me - for a change, until something happened that I still do not understand.   However, a friend was standing by with an even better job, this one with a car and the harder I worked, the more success we had.  There was another pregnancy and another son.  Again, life was good.  We even found an apartment where part of our rent was paid by our merely collecting the rents for the other tenants.  Then, there was the case of the missing money and my wife confessed to me, it was her fault. 

What I failed to mention a few lines ago, there was money missing from a neighbor's mail box and it was taken by my wife.  She wound up with a Federal charge and a sentence of ten years in prison, but freed on probation.  Now, with another case of missing money, she was headed for prison, for sure.  I loved her, I did not want her in prison, so I accepted the charge and was tried for grand larceny. Before the trial began, an Assistant AG and I had examined the books of the owners and found a number of discrepancies and referred to them as I was on the witness stand.  The Judge listened and declared that I was innocent.  Of course, that caused some questions in the minds of my employer and they fired me, only I found a new job, a better job with more potential.  Unfortunately, they did not return the payroll deductions taken from employees and the IRS closed that business.

At this point, I no longer believed anyone.  I hated myself for being so stupid on a umber of counts and I suspect that wore on my wife.  She took the children and moved out.  When I lost the job I had, we talked and agreed to get back together, to work hings out and even moved to San Diego to get a new start  life, each vowing there would be no more problems.  That didn't last long.  She was arrested again and when I realized our problems were not all of her fault, I sought help.  It meant leaving our children in "Foster" homes while she was being examined prior to her sentencing and before I knew it, she was back out of prison, had taken the children out of the places they were staying.  As far as I know, they are still with her.

I no longer cared.  I cared for our children but as long as she could get in and out of prison and prison sentences, there was nothing further I could do.  I did my best to provide what the State required me to pay for their support and that was all that I could do.

I know, I was for awhile, re-united with my youngest daughter but I made a mistake she did not care to discuss with me and that ended that.  If you want to know the rest of my story - watch this space in the future

A Flawed Legacy - 29

Buddy, my new driver, was waiting for me when I got to the terminal.  I had overslept after spending a lot of time sharing what I knew about the Bible with one of the new converts.  As I climbed into the cab, there was a check waiting for me.  "New policy," he said, "Since we are going to be on the road for a couple of weeks, they advanced you the money they estimate you will earn.  If it is more or less, they will settle it at the end of the month."

That was interesting to me.  I had been drawing checks marked "casual pay" and while it was always accurate, it always seemed to err in my favor.  We were headed for St. Louis and then on to Elgin, IL but as it turned out the folks in St. Louis were not ready for us, so we drove over to Elgin and got them loaded.  I mention that as I had always heard that the moving and storage people always charged more when the customer was not prepared to move on the date the move was scheduled.  Such policies made it so much easier for us on the actual moves.

As it was, we had a chance to talk at length before we got to Elgin.  My driver was interested in hearing about the "miracle" in Charleston that I had mentioned when they called me to report.  Buddy was like me, I told him, for too many years I had been a church goer rather than preparing myself to be a Christian.  Now, we had a serious talk.  His wife was the Christian in their family and it was she who shared what she knew with their boys.  When Buddy got home, there were always those session where the boys were asking their Dad if he believed the same as their mother.  At least, he said he tried to be honest.  He was learning as he learned.  So, we spent lots of our time on the road, in Bible study.

Those sessions were precious to me as I took my studies, seriously.  I had learned that not all churches had the exact same beliefs and often, this "taught" their members to be sensitive to the needs of those they chose to invite to church.  I look back on those sessions and wonder, why can't we all learn to listen to the various interpretations and make up our own minds as to how we relate to the Bible?

Bible study is a lot like loading furniture or machinery on to a moving man and getting it safely from one place to another.  Some parts are very fragile and you must be careful where you place then while loading and unloading.  Others you can stack three and four high and they look like they just came off the show room floor on the day they were purchased.  And there are always the pieces that have become worn through use over the years.  You still pay careful attention to all of them, but you also know that some can deal with rough handling and no one would ever know the difference.

St. Louis and Elgin were safely loaded and we headed back to Fort Wayne for temporary storage.  We merely "dropped" the one trailer and hooked up to another and were on our way - to the motel.  That was the benefit we had in moving from one place to another.  And for me, it afforded more opportunity to share what I knew along the way.  Buddy was intrigued on our first trip together as he thought that people might be offended if we ever got into a question regarding religion, but I think I assured him that most were as "hungry" for the truth as he was on the day we met.

On this trip, we were together for over three weeks and then there would be times when he would come into the South for only one or two pick ups or deliveries.  Whenever he headed my way, I could be assured of a call.  That worked well with the week end jobs I had developed with a company that specialized in epoxy overlays in older industrial plants.

A Flawed Legacy - 13a

I got carried away with my so-called "career" endeavors and failed to include the most significant event in my life.  Significant, not only because of the woman that I married, but the fact that we became the parents of four lovely children.

I think I have already told you but I was drinking too much, thinking more about the "Me" in my life rather than the importance of considering the fact that actions beget circumstances.  That was true in my life and I had begun to recognize the downward spiral.  That is where I came mind-to-mind and heart-to-heart with a man and his thoughts as compiled in his book, Think and Grow Rich.  Napolean Hill was his name and if you ask most American men over 50 years of age, you are almost certain to discover that if they have not read his book, they have heard him lionized among motivational speakers. I ate up his words, I began to dream his dreams.

So it was, I decided to change my ways and headed for the most safe haven I had ever experienced in my life to date.  I went to church and specifically to the First United Methodist Church in Hollywood, CA.  True to form, the people I met, noticing the fact I was nicely dressed, appeared to be younger than I was actually and single - at least there was no wedding band, they headed me to the Young Singles class, led by two of the nicest people you would ever care to meet.

I could see the eyes and noticed the smiles on the young ladies I met and recognized the hesitancy of the younger guys.  It was obvious, they were seeking relationships and I was one of them.

The gal I met - and would eventually marry, Janice, was cute as could be, had dancing eyes and it wasn't long before we were dating.  And dating led to thoughts of marriage and those thoughts led to the obvious.  We had determined that we could do better as a married couple and then there was the obvious.  Since we were going to be married, there was no reason to wait for sex.  There was a very good reason, she became pregnant before the wedding plans were developed and from that moment until our wedding date, everything else took a back seat.

She told me that she was working at an aircraft facility that happened to be one of my clients.  I knew the Personnel Manager well and when I tried to call my beloved on the phone, I would learn that she did not work there, had never worked there.  My friend confirmed this.  She had applied for a job there, but she was not accepted as the interviewer believed she was not serious about working.  That really jolted me, but I was in love, that was for certain, and I knew very well about the little "lies" we all seem to share too often.  I was even more guilty than she was.

The wedding went off well, her mother was very good at such things and we were happy in our new "home", a rented apartment across the street from the NBC studios and when we could afford it, we moved to a nicer place nearby.  I was doing well in my job even though I was not happy, so when a better offer - or so I thought, came along, I jumped at the opportunity.

Our first child, Mary Kathryn, was patient with us and delayed her arrival until it almost matched the typical nine months waiting period.  She was a big girl, ten pounds, eight ounces and beautiful beyond any words I could find to describe her.  Talk about "proud Poppa's" - those words fit me perfectly.

Janice was relieved - to be sure, and we were well on our way to successful life, when the tragedy I spoke of earlier came upon us.  I was devastated, there was no better description.  Janice was disappointed, but she was the one who reached out and uncovered a solution.  More on this, later on.  

The Problems in the Church II

OK, I probably wore you out with the previous blog.  That is why I have title this one - II

There are problems, plural.  But if you take a close look at what we have come though in my lifetime, then there has to be hope.

I have the feeling that Rachael is no longer crying for her children - in our nation.

I was privilege to help implement the integration of blacks in to the USAF and we did it with no real problems, but if you would have asked me a year previously, I would have doubted it.  I had spent 30 days taking care of the Morning Report for an all-black unit that was attached to our base and when I got back to my barracks in the evening, the rants began.  But the unit, from their Captain down to the newest recruit, each man respected me and I would have been less than a man to have not respected them.

Such was not the case during my college years in Atlanta, GA, at the time when the Supreme Court issued their ruling in Brown vs. the Board of Education, literally commanding the States to end their discrimination practices when it came to education.  I will never forget the attitudes of co-workers at my part-time job, all Southern ladies, I had thought, but given the tone and the language of their responses, they might have been Southerners, but they certainly was not ladies.

After graduation, I began work as an employment consultant and would discover that all of our records were coded so as to tell us the race or the sexual preferences of each candidate - and that was in California.  We were ordered to delete the codes, but I would discover that if I presented the experience and potential, properly, it was not difficult to place people with a real interest of working, regardless of their race or sexual preference.

Things have improved in that area except that for reasons unknown to most of us, most black people seem to prefer their own race when it comes to religion.  Having attended many of their churches, I still prefer them when it comes to an enthusiastic response to the word of God, but I am careful where I express such thoughts.

Then, there is the church and our gay brothers and sisters.  It amazes me.  I have a number of gay friends and in fact, attended gay churches before moving to this area.  I do have some problems with some of them with regard to certain scriptures, but when it came to fellowship, I have more trouble with churches following a faith that is foreign to me.

Very interesting, as I paused after the last paragraph, my TV was turned to watch James Robinson and I heard him tell his audience, "I won't give up on a marriage between a man and a woman" and I suppose he is saying, he will never support so-called "gay" marriages. Sounds good, but I have known several same-sex married couples and find that they are really concerned about one another and I have known gays who were not married and there were several reasons for their lack of interest in a marriage.  It all reminds me of my early days in church where some of the ladies were busy talking about marrying off their sons and daughters even before they had become of age.  I know of two of such marriages in which the husband brutalized his wife as his father had brutalized his mother and another where the wife became the most promiscuous woman in the area.  One of the children is still serving life in prison for murdering a friend.

Marriage ought not to be a community affair.  Certainly a celebration is in order but other than that, the two do not need the counsel or endorsement of others who are not intimately involved with their lives, to become successful. That ought to be policy and the commitment of the church.

Regarding scripture, in the older testament, the comments regarding homosexuality came at a time when the nation of Israel was in the process of formation.  The need for people was their most urgent issue and certainly to endorse same-sex marriages would not be appropriate.

Sometimes I wonder how many of the Biblical apologists ever look beyond the words they see in print.  And speaking of marriages, how many of our religious counselors have the knowledge to deal with lives that are not obliged to live by religious tenets?

A meeting at the Church

This has turned out to be a very interesting moment in my life.  I am about to have my prayers be answered, in our church, in front of people that I have come to love and appreciate.

I just received an e-mail from our Pastor reminding us of a meeting that we will hare before the church session tomorrow, May 4, 2014.  We have been studying books related to the Christian faith and now, he would like us to express ourselves on our path of study for the future.  Amazing.  I have been praying to know a church with the courage to make such a request.  In my 80+ years of attending church, I have never heard of one that dared to ask the congregation about their desires.  I have always assumed that the sermons were based on the materials suggested by the headquarters of the faith, assuming that they knew about the best interests of all who are involved.

What a refreshing opportunity we have and I am praying that everyone will come with the same sense of fascination as to the possibilities for our future.

And the reason I posted the date is because it was precisely 39 years ago - on May 12, 1975, I chose to leave the "church" life to follow in the footsteps of the One I have come to know as my Lord and Savior.  Savior in the sense that He would have me become what I should have been, that is - His disciple, rather than the fool I had been; saved not because of the fear of a Hell to come, but for the sake of loving others as I believe that is His intent for all of us.  It has been quite an experience.  I have learned a lot

I hope to express my immediate goal, personally, and let the future dictate the rest.

At my age, I want to learn how to love more and be able to express it in many directions.  It is easy to love my brothers and sisters that will be assembled on Sunday, but I need to learn how to demonstrate that love in areas in which it appears to have become, a lost art.

I also want to learn how to ask more, of myself and others.  It is good to know where to find the appropriates verses in the Bible, but the problem always seems to be to get past the preconceived notions of others, even those who say that they share my faith.

I want to see my church extend their reach to others they do not know.  We excel in the areas where others seem to ignore opportunities, but to reach up and out and down, wherever it appears that any need exists.

More than anything I want us to share our prayer life.  I have often wondered what might happen if the church prayed in unison.  Recently, I learned that the churches in our area had increased a hundred fold in the past fifty years and I wondered, were they praying about the needs of others?  Anyone who has ever served a church, officially, knows that it costs money to maintain the properties and that adds to my wonderment.  How does the increase to just maintain additional facilities serve the kingdom of God?  Over the years we seem to have learned that big buildings with steeples, apparently reaching out to touch the hem of His garments, are not the way, but expending the reach of the church into the neighborhoods where the people live and move and have their being are more economical 

I moved from the prayer life of the church to the need for space on purpose.  I have known people who apparently prayed ministries into being.  An old friend of mine was heard to have prayed for a university and a hospital, and they appeared to be - for a season.  The real power of the church appears when the congregation learns to pray in unison.  If they pray for others, locally, regionally, nationally - or world wide, God appears to respond.  Some want to pray for things, but my years have taught me as I am thankful for what I have and as I pray for others, good things always seemed to happen.  If it works for the least among us, it surely will work to meet the needs of others.

So, as our meeting is assembled this Sunday, I will pray for our vision to reach beyond our walls and I do not necessarily mean our physical walls.  We all have them and like those at Jericho, I happen to think that we need to act with the same sense of concentration that brought down those walls. 

Listen, listen to who is speaking - and why!

Good morning!  Busy morning for me as I just realized I am about to run out of some of my "meds" and there are two doctor's offices involved.  I don't know about you, but I still have not become accustomed to recordings and you have to leave a message, hoping they will respond properly.  So, I have started this morning on high hopes!!!

And I promised myself I would introduce you to someone who has me excited about the word of God and how it really ought to be interpreted by those of us who have placed our trust in our Lord.  She is a real lady who has been through the kinds of struggles in her personal life that makes too many of us give up hoping.  That is not her testimony, but it is mine.  I still weep when I know what has happened or is happening in the lives who give up, give in, too soon.

OK, here goes... her name is Beth Moore and she can be "heard" through her blog and that address is: http://blog.lproof.org.   She has a web site at "livingproof.com.

I have never met her in person, but she has appeared on James Robinon's program - over TBN and others, I assume.  I have known of James for many years and - at first, I was really angry about the way he was preaching.  Now, however, he seems to have repented and with his beautiful wife, they are living witnesses of the power of God to change lives for all who will listen,

Speaking of the power of God, I witnessed it again last evening - at church.  In my "heart of hearts" I weep over the direction of the messages I hear coming from many churches.  Not my church, the church worldwide.  Yes, I know of the "good works" being delivered to those in need in many faraway places and even here in our cities and towns across America.  But it appears to me that we are being torn apart by voices that demand we will all bow down to their interpretation of the Bible.  I don't understand it. Over the last forty years, I have read my own Bible cover to cover many times, so often that I dare not believe otherwise.  But there are those that will take their interpretation of what they have read and use it against others they do not even know and want the rest of us to believe they understand what Jesus meant when He said, "By this all will know you are My disciples, if you love one another.  (John 13:35)  Note the italics.  All will know, if you love one another.  In another verse, He talks about laying down our lives as evidence of our love for Him. 

And please note, all - in Jesus' times, still means all today and forever.  Then there is that little word, if.  A friend of mine, many years ago insisted that it is the word - if, that we find implanted in another word that ought to mean everything to us, the word life.  Think about that for a moment.

I still can not understand why brothers and sisters who claim to love God and agree to love one another are so intent on believing that others are going to Hell, just because everyone does not agree with their interpretation of the words and meaning of words written thousands of years ago.

Then the Pastor referred us to the verses starting with Luke 15:25.  It concerns the return of the prodigal son and the Father's immediate acceptance of his return, in spite of the life he had been living.

Everything seemed to working out well until the scriptures reveal another side of the story.  Verse 29 records the words of the other son... "Look, for so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours, and yet you have never given me a kid that I might be merry with my friends. but when this (other) son of yours, who has devoured your wealth with harlots, you killed the fattened calf for him."

Reminds me of pages from the American history books I have read over the years.  We are privileged to live in a land dedicated to the One who we want to call our Creator, but the history books reveal the fact that we have not always been God fearing people.  First it was the Indians who inhabited their lands that we confiscated and how did we treat them?  Then along came the emigrants, many of whom were rejected out of hand and how did we treat them?  Then, we divided our own selves and fought a war that still rages in the minds of some.  We continued to insist those who were "freed" in that war must live as second-class citizens until we changed our laws.  And of course, there was the way we treated our mothers, our wives and our daughters in the workplace until we began to come to our senses and do what was right for all of us.

Now, we are faced with an even greater challenge and as has happened throughout our history, we will either change or we will be forced to change by others and - in my opinion, by the One who spoke so eloquently, so many years ago, "By this, all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

It was on May 12, 1975 that I asked God what He meant by the word, repent.  (Matthew 4:17) and to my amazement, my mind was suddenly filled with reminders of those years when I was angry because I did not have a Father like my friends, nor the nice clothes that others wore, and there was more, much more.  With those thoughts overwhelming my mind, I began to realize that I had reasons to repent, many reasons and I did.  From that moment on, my life has been blessed over and over and over again and yes, there have been hard times - in my mind.  But my heart clung - and still clings, to the realization that there is a God and in spite of my foolishness at times, He still loves me and blesses me.

It's like that old song from many, many years ago, "Every body ought to know, every body ought to know, every body ought to know, who Jesus is.   He's the lily of my valley, He's my bright and shiny star, He's the fairest of ten thousand, every body ought to know."

The Reasons for God

My Pastor, his wife and others in our local body of believers in Christianity had the rare privilege over the weekend to attend a seminar in Nashville TN, chaired by Marcus Borg, Canon Theologian of Timothy Episcopal Cathedral in Portland, Oregon, discussing his book, Speaking Christian.

We had been studying that book at our church and it is extremely interesting.  I do not intend to quote it as over the years I have come to know Borg as an author of other books and more specifically as a member of the famous, or infamous if you please, the Jesus Seminar.   I do not like debates and have no interest in debating his views or, collectively, their views.  My interest in Borg and others in the faith is to help me grow in the knowledge of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

What I will offer is my testimony as a Christian and that is open to debate, if that is your desire.

I was literally raised in the church.  In the early thirties while my Mother and Father were experiencing problems with the state of the economy, they also ushered into this world, my younger Sister.  So it was that my Grandmother, my Mother's Mother, offered to take me to the farm where I would be safe from economic anxieties and there was plenty to eat and lots of room for me to play.

There were conditions that did not bother me.  We went to church every Sunday and every Wednesday night.  As far as I can remember, I enjoyed the experience.  I really do not think I learned anything, but I am certain, I was being taught about the Christian experience.  Most of the "do's" and "don'ts" of my early education came from my Grandfather with this admonition, "We don't do things like that."  That being drinking alcohol, swearing, lying, doing things that only "bad" boys did.  I have always been grateful that there were very few "bad" boys in our neighborhood.   And I do remember going to the alter one night at church when I "gave" my life to the Lord, but I got up and left with no apparent change in the ways I thought or acted.

I went into the Air Force at age 17 with the thought I was a Christian and no one ever challenged me.  I attended chapel regularly and that continued until I left the military seven years later.  I moved to Atlanta, GA, to attend Georgia Tech and immediately became a member of the First Methodist Church of Atlanta, again, no questions were ever asked.  I got married in a church where my wife had attended as a child and we went to church regularly only we changed to a another when I learned that my "First" church would not allow minorities to attend their service.

Later on, we would get a divorce.  I was not proud of the first few years afterwards, but one Sunday morning I woke up with a terrible hangover and decided it was time to get back into church.  After a few moths in which I really enjoyed church, I met a young lady who I would marry and with whom we would bring four beautiful children into this world.  I never really gave up drinking and for sure, she not give up stealing money from others.  We were still going to church when she was sentenced to ten years in prison for stealing money from our neighbors' mail boxes.  Fortunately, she was given parole, but it did little to change her ways and to be perfectly honest, I did not change mine, either.  We went to church on occasion, but its message went unheeded by either of us.

Finally, after agreeing we would both change our ways, she stole again and I thought - for certain, she would be required to serve the full sentence dictated by that first judge.

It was then, I finally decided I was as much to blame as she was for our situation and so I sought counsel from church elders.  To be honest, they had nothing to offer, but guilt had set into my mind and I would eventually call upon a "wise" church elder who I had known over years.

It was suggested that I go to Tulsa, OK, to counsel with him and I made arrangements with the State of California to care for our children during my trip and I left on a Greyhound bus.  In route, I realized that I was on my way to talk with a man who had forgotten more about the Bible than I had ever known, so I decided to "bone up" before I met with him.  So, where should I start?  It occurred to me that the words of Jesus appeared in red letters and I decided to find the point where He started His ministry.

Turns out that was in the book of Matthew, chapter 4, verse 17.  The words that immediately struck me were, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."  That intrigued me.  I had to stop and see if I could recall ever hearing that word before or, read it in a Bible.  I had not.  I decided to pray and ask God what it meant.  It did not dawn on me that He might not answer.  But He did, I know because in a few minutes it seemed as though my mind was recalling those days when my Mother and Grandfather used to argue over the cost of my "care".  And there was more.  I sat there cringing as had been my practice whenever those arguments would happen and there was more, the attitude I developed against my Mother for - it seemed to me, not seeming to care about my feelings on that and other matters.  Then, I began to realize I had reasons to repent.  I had no idea why my Mother felt as it seemed to me that she did.  My grandmother used to remind me that I was to love my Mother, regardless of my feelings.

To the best of my knowledge, I asked God to forgive me and within a few minutes, I noticed that it was raining and as the bus drove on, it seemed that the wind was "rolling up" the dirt on my window and it was being washed.  Could it be a sign that God had done that for me?  I had no idea, but I did know I needed something like that to happen and I began to cry, thanking God for washing my sins away.

More tomorrow....

February 19, 2014

The last post left you at a bus station in Tulsa, OK, hanging up from a phone call where I learned that the man I had come to see, hoping that he could help me get past the experiences of my life in California, was not available and would not be available for at least two more weeks.

What was I to do?  I knew no one in Tulsa to help and I was nearly broke.  It was then I remembered that we had passed a "labor pool" as the bus was headed for the station.  I decided I would try working on the "wrong" side of the desk.  I knew it was late, most of the available jobs were filled.  I would have to wait and so I took a seat after filling out their brief application card,  It was 9:30 AM, I would wait until almost 2PM before the dispatcher asked me if I could count.  It turned out that he needed someone to help with an inventory at a nearby company.  Thank you, Lord.

The job was rather simple but there were hundreds of items to be counted.  I went to work.  At 5PM the "boss" asked if I would like to work overtime.  Sure!   And so I worked until 8PM and was told they wanted me back tomorrow.  The boss asked me where I lived and I had to confess I would be looking for a place.  He told me of a downtown motel that was cheap; he seemed to understand my dilemma and handed by a $20 bill to pay for my rent.

That was Monday and as it turned out, I worked all week - 40 hours, and when I got paid by the labor office, I tried to repay the $20 the boss had loaned me and he smiled and said, "Forget it, that was the best investment we have ever made" and then he handled me a company check for $50, claiming that I had earned it.

I walked up the street feeling good about myself and as I passed a cocktail lounge, I thought I would stop and have a beer.  "After all," I thought to myself, "a laborer is entitled to relax after working all week."  Funny, as I tried to open the door, it appeared to be locked.  I tried again, and tried again.  I had heard voices within and was puzzled but just as I started to walk away, two couples walked up and opened the door I thought had been locked.  I started for follow then and then I remembered my question about my need to repent.  Maybe, the door just seemed to be locked to me for a reason.

I walked on to the YMCA and paid a week's rent and when I got to my room, I opened my Bible again to see if  I could find an explanation, but there was none.  The next morning, Saturday, after eating my breakfast at a nearby diner, I decided to ride a bus out to the ORU campus.  It was as beautiful as I had thought it would be.  Just sitting on a park bench, I felt better thanI had felt for months.  I noticed there was a book store nearby and decided to see if Oral might have written something related to my recent experience or, the experiences in my past.  I did not find one, but glancing at a jewelry display I saw an item I liked and picked it up and noticed the card to which it had been attached.  It was a Bible verse, Acts 1:8, ..."you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you and you shall be My witnesses.."   I had already picked out a church I would attend the next day, so I bought the item and put the card in my pocket as a reminder to ask someone what that verse might possibly mean to me.

Would you believe, the text the Pastor had chosen for his sermon was the one I had noticed the day before.  I sat in my pew hanging on his every word.  I knew that I knew I had found a church home as it would be for the next two years.  But I was about to have my world turned upside down.

I had left instructions with the CA State people in the office that monitored the homes in which we had placed the children temporarily, that I would let them know when I would be returning.  I was about to be shocked beyond my comprehension.  My wife had been released from prison and regained custody of our children.  I hired a lawyer to investigate the reasons for that decision by the State and he had to tell me there was nothing we could do from Oklahoma.  I decided to wait until after I had accomplished the purpose of my journey.

As it turned, that would never happen.  I began to speak with elders in my new church home and it was their counsel that I stay in Tulsa, work if I could find a job, and wait to see what happened with our children.  It would be a long wait.

Meanwhile, it seemed, I had new power as every place I turned to for employment, I was hired and it went from good to opportunities beyond anything I had experienced in California.  Eventually, I would find an even better opportunity in Dallas, TX, and so I moved there.  Unfortunately, it would not turn out to be as good as it had sounded, but while there, I met a number of good friends, some of whom had other opportunities and so it went on and on.  Finally, I made a deal that paid me a lot of money and I had a plan.  I would sell my equity in a business I had helped to establish and send the receipts to the State of California to maintain my obligations for child support until there was no further responsibility.

By this time, I considered myself to be an authority on what the Bible had to say and I had been looking for the possibility of joining an established training company or similar organization.  I prayed and asked God, what He would have me to do.  A word of advice to those reading these words, don't ever ask God for such counsel unless you are prepared to do what He asks you to do or go where He asks you to go.

Clearly I heard Him say, :"Go, be with my people."

The only interpretation I could make was to consider my thoughts in years past.  As a Manager of a "labor" office in Los Angeles, I used to wonder why grown men, many well educated, would get in such a situation in life where they had to work for minimum wage, paid daily.  It has always troubled me that in a nation as prosperous as we have become could ignore the circumstances of such people and worse, those without sufficient educational preparation to find a better job for themselves.  I knew what I had to do, I knew where He wanted me to go.

With that I literally walked out of Dallas on a blazing hot July afternoon, wearing nothing more than a shirt, jeans and a pair of "penny" loafers, no hat, carrying nothing but my Bible.  I was heading North to be with His people.

I really had given no thought to money, what I might need, what a reasonable person would have taken with him or her.  I just had a confidence that God would provide and He did, for over two and half years and it would have continued, but then there was this lady who dared to declare, long before she knew anything about me, that she loved me and wanted to marry me.  But that is another story for yet another day.